Retreat reflections – Rivendell intro retreat August 2015
“I would like to thank both yourself and the rest of the team for all your loving kindness over the weekend. I felt the beautiful energy from the moment I stepped over the threshold and was so warmly welcomed. You have all taught me so much in such a short space of time…..it was as though time stopped! You are a special team.
I am so glad that I pushed myself out of my comfort zone by coming as I now hope it was a life changing experience. I had an unexpected insight during meditation on Sunday morning which brought so much emotion to the surface. I know that this happened because I felt in such a safe and supportive environment and was able to truly let go and look at myself. It was a moment that will stay with me.
I’m amazed at how easily I adapted to community living, something which I considered to be a huge challenge. I live alone and now that I’m home, it feels rather empty and lonely. I’m missing being among like minded people where I feel at home, accepted and no longer ‘different’. Surrounded by loving kindness, both giving and receiving. It is also tempting to put the ‘lid back on’ to all the crap that has surfaced…..I haven’t done so much crying in a long time but it makes me feel very alone and vulnerable.
Is it a common response following this initial experience of retreat to feel extremely tired, emotional and vulnerable? I had a disastrous attempt at meditation this morning and have now ordered a meditation mat and cushion and hope I can regain some focus in meditating alone. I did successfully spend time outside on the grass doing the movements that yourself and Bodhimala taught me which felt good.
I’m also pleased to say I’m attending my first meeting on Wednesday evening at the Bury St Edmunds Buddhist Centre.
Once again, thank you for helping me open my heart and start to give loving kindness to all. The whole experience was humbling and almost overwhelming. I hope you don’t mind the waffle but putting things into words to you feels helpful and I gained a great deal from talking with you.